This was written Jan 23 but not posted - thought no one was reading but got a few reviews on linkreferral that I wasn't aware of till today....... Thanks for stopping by guys!
Talking about my relationship with my mother, first I’d like to make a few things very clear. This is not an assassination of her character. My Mum is a very wonderful person and much of who I am can be attributed to her. She has been there for me through certain difficult situations in my life. Sound’s contradictory doesn’t it. It’s actually funny that we are alike in many ways and quite a lot of people seem to think we have the same mannerisms and nature. Still confused? Maybe we should understand ourselves better, maybe I’m the one that has a problem then. I’ve looked at it from that angle too. Trust me, if anyone can accept fault, I can and I’m not squeaky clean either. My Dad has always said if everyone seems to blame you or point in your direction all the time then, maybe you are the problem and you need to look inwards. I have and I’m still fine tuning myself on a daily basis but fail to see my error in this particular relationship yet.
One of the reasons I want to get to the bottom of this is so I do not to pass on whatever attitude I have cultivated from my relationship with my mother to my daughters. Some of which may not necessarily be due to any fault of hers. Bottom line, we are not friends and even if I can’t figure out why at the end of the day, I’d honestly like a change. She seems to think I am the problem. Well, I do have my faults, no doubt about that, but if we honestly look at it, is she really friends with any of her children (except for one- maybe)? Yes, she’s been there for each one of us through thick and thin, can't deny that. Yes she cares and loves but something is still missing?
The other reason, I want her to be happy. I want her to feel loved, relevant, fulfilled and accomplished. In this stage of our lives (the whole family actually) we just need to be reminiscing and enjoying each others company considering we don’t get to do that often due to time and space. I want her to know she’s done well raising us and can now breathe even when some of the choices we make are not necessarily the right ones.
Even as I write, I’m beginning to get some revelation. Who is she really friends with I ask? I’m beginning to see a trust issue. Who does she trust, who does she bare all too? I believe we all have that one person in our lives besides God who we trust enough to be vulnerable with, to be you and not to hide behind anything else. Maybe that’s what I need to know, who is she? Sounds odd, doesn’t it after almost 4 decades of my existence. Is it because I’m a mother now? Is it because I’m also working on being relatable and tearing walls down built up over the years. Identifying with my emotions, expressing and dealing with them. Is this what she needs?................I think I’m getting some hints here.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Cleaning House
OK I thought I’d be a lot more active with my blog this year but I guess I have been pretty lazy and not lived up to my own expectations. It’s not so much that I don’t have anything to say but there’s a lot of directions I could go with this and I wasn’t sure which way was next.
Before I go on, Happy New Year y’all. All through the holiday’s I was very reflective and was wondering about my next post. Like I said earlier, my thoughts have been in a lot of directions and I’ve finally ended up with relationships.
Every relationship we have is to teach, cause us to grow and eventually perfect us. The process can be very difficult sometimes but is necessary. Relationships can bring out the best or the worst in us. It’s up to us to decide what to make out of our relationships and the choices we make in reaction to a relationship can shape who we ultimately become.
God is speaking to me strongly about relationships this year (how about you?) and I’m about to work on a few myself. I actually started working on one before the end of 2007. I’m believing that by the end of 2008 I’d be singing a different tune ( I need a lot of agreement in this area). Some relationships you may decide to cut off but what do you do when you have no choice but to make it work? A relationship which has gone from bad to worse and you have no idea what you’ve actually done and when you do try to fix it you meet with great opposition. An unavoidable relationship because the person actually has a part in your existence.
It may surprise you to know that in some cases a relationship between a mother and a child can go sour. It’s kind of odd to me because I watch the relationships between my friends and their mother’s and it seems like I’m missing out on a good thing. This is my story and my fight for it begins. I’m taking back what belongs to me and I’m taking you on the journey. My primary relationship (My relationship with God) will be my strength and source during this season. I know it’s not about love because there’s no reason not to love but I hope to get to the bottom of this and I do have help. I’m not sure if this is going to help anybody but writing is therapeutic for me - the reason I share. May we all have the Peace of God in whatever storm life throws our way.
Before I go on, Happy New Year y’all. All through the holiday’s I was very reflective and was wondering about my next post. Like I said earlier, my thoughts have been in a lot of directions and I’ve finally ended up with relationships.
Every relationship we have is to teach, cause us to grow and eventually perfect us. The process can be very difficult sometimes but is necessary. Relationships can bring out the best or the worst in us. It’s up to us to decide what to make out of our relationships and the choices we make in reaction to a relationship can shape who we ultimately become.
God is speaking to me strongly about relationships this year (how about you?) and I’m about to work on a few myself. I actually started working on one before the end of 2007. I’m believing that by the end of 2008 I’d be singing a different tune ( I need a lot of agreement in this area). Some relationships you may decide to cut off but what do you do when you have no choice but to make it work? A relationship which has gone from bad to worse and you have no idea what you’ve actually done and when you do try to fix it you meet with great opposition. An unavoidable relationship because the person actually has a part in your existence.
It may surprise you to know that in some cases a relationship between a mother and a child can go sour. It’s kind of odd to me because I watch the relationships between my friends and their mother’s and it seems like I’m missing out on a good thing. This is my story and my fight for it begins. I’m taking back what belongs to me and I’m taking you on the journey. My primary relationship (My relationship with God) will be my strength and source during this season. I know it’s not about love because there’s no reason not to love but I hope to get to the bottom of this and I do have help. I’m not sure if this is going to help anybody but writing is therapeutic for me - the reason I share. May we all have the Peace of God in whatever storm life throws our way.
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